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Homer Simpson here, agronomist extraordinaire—D’oh!—I’d say it’s like tendin’ crops. Ya gotta know the soil, the touch, the rhythm. Too rough, ya bruise it; too soft, nothin’ grows. Sexual-massage? Same deal. Gotta hit that sweet spot—oils slickin’, hands slidin’, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot cob. “The body speaks,” like in the movie—damn straight it does!

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But then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer doing some wild tricks on Via Roma. I’m talking juggling flaming torches and all that jazz. I’m standing there, mouth agape, when one of the torches goes flying. It nearly takes out a guy’s hat! Everyone gasps, then bursts into laughter. I’m dying.

Sherlockiana and Mutual Aid: This Week on the Lit Hub Podcast