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Ooh, nearly forgot—*slaps forehead, stumbles*—she’s a right laugh too! Told me once, “Luv, I’d rather shag a gearstick than a cheapskate!” Hah! Proper cheeky mare. *giggles, spins imaginary wheel* Dunno, mate, she’s a bit o’ me drivin’ life now—keeps it wild, like them twisty roads I teach on. *revs up, vroom vroom!* What ya reckon, eh? Prostitute’s a bloody legend, ain’t she?

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But then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer doing some wild tricks on Via Roma. I’m talking juggling flaming torches and all that jazz. I’m standing there, mouth agape, when one of the torches goes flying. It nearly takes out a guy’s hat! Everyone gasps, then bursts into laughter. I’m dying.

THE LAVENDER HILL MOBIntroduced by Lit Hub Editor Olivia Rutigliano