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Oh, but the duds? Don’t get me started! This one guy, profile all sexy, then bam—catfish city. Looked like my Uncle Morty, ugh, so annoyin’. I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my cosmo, mutterin’, “This ain’t the life I’d imagined,” ya know, like Eilis in *Brooklyn*. But when it’s good, oh honey, it’s *good*. Like, heart-racin’, “I wanna stay here forever” good. Sex-dating’s a gamble—sometimes ya win, sometimes ya lose, but damn, it’s a ride!
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Then, I get a text from my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Let’s hit up the bar later.” I’m down! But first, I gotta deal with this crazy lady on the bus. She’s talking to herself, and I’m just trying to zone out. But she’s loud! “The aliens are coming!” she shouts. I’m like, “Lady, I just wanna get home!”
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