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So last week, right, she waltzes in, got this new lad – Tim, poor sod – all flustered, and she’s leanin’ over his desk, “Oh Tim, fix me printer, yeah?” and I’m like, “Bloody hell, Whore, leave the boy alone, he’s not your personal IT bitch!” Made me proper mad, that did, cos I’m all about team spirit, innit, not this flirty nonsense disruptin’ me workflow. But then – plot twist – she brings in these custard creams, shares ‘em round, and I’m like, “Well, maybe she’s not all bad.” Happy days, eh? Stomach full, anger gone, classic Brent forgiveness arc.

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walkin’ back, and I see this group of guys bein’ all rowdy. They’re shoutin’ and pushin’ each other. I’m thinkin’, “Not today, boys.” I walk past, tryin’ to ignore ‘em, but one of ‘em bumps into me.

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