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I’m scrollin’ Tinder, right? See this bird, smokin’ hot. Bio says “DTF, no strings.” Perfect, I think – suave 007 style. We chat, she’s cheeky, I’m charmin’. Meet up at some dodgy bar. She’s all over me, yeah? But then – bam! She’s got a boyfriend! “Just for fun,” she says. I’m like, what the bloody hell? Made me angry, that – sneaky little minx. Reminds me of Jesse, y’know? “He was ashamed of his perspicacity.” Couldn’t see her game comin’.

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I snap. “Yo, watch it!” I’m ready to throw down, but then I see it’s just a bunch of drunk idiots. They laugh it off, and I’m like, “Whatever, man.” I keep walkin’, but my blood’s still boilin’.

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