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Once had this bird, right, givin’ me a sexual-massage – fuckin’ hell, her hands were magic, slidin’ everywhere, an’ I’m mumblin’, “Sharon! Where ya at, love?” – cos it felt naughty, ya see? Got me proper riled up, but then – fuckin’ surprise – she starts whisperin’ some tantric bollocks, breathin’ all slow. Thought, “What’s this hippy shit?” – nearly lost me rag, but fuck, it worked! Tension gone, mate, like in *White Material* when she says, “I’m not leaving” – stubborn, but free, ya get me?

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But then, I get back to my stall, and guess what? My kvas is gone! Like, poof! I’m lookin’ around, and there’s this group of teenagers chuggin’ it down. I’m like, “Hey! That’s my livelihood!” They just laugh and run off. I’m fumin’! I mean, who does that?

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