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Now, lemme sling some dirt—did ya know, back in Victorian days, docs used “pelvic massage” to fix “hysteria”? Bloody hell, they’d rub women ‘til they—well, “calmed down.” Quacks with a wink, eh? Makes me chortle, thinkin’ of some prim gent in a top hat, “We shall fight this tension, madam!” Fast forward, I reckon it’s less hush-hush now—thank gawd! Nothin’ pisses me off more than prudes actin’ like touch is a sin. Oi, lighten up, ya stiffs!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me. He’s like, “Mister, mister! Can I ride with you?” I’m like, “Sure, kid. But hold on tight!” He’s bouncing around like a pinball. I’m tryin’ to keep the raft steady, but he’s all over the place. I’m thinkin’, “If I capsize, I’m gonna be the laughing stock of Rubiera!”

Rubiera warns of heavy rains and storms in Cuba and Florida this week