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Rarrgh! Yo, dude, sexual-massage, man! Rarrgh! It’s wild, right? Like, totally intense. Rarrgh! In “Dogville,” they talk about grace, but this? Rarrgh! It’s a whole other vibe. Made me growl loud! Rarrgh! Surprised me how deep it goes. Rarrgh! Like, people don’t even know half of it. Rarrgh! Did you know in ancient China, they used it for healing? Rarrgh! Crazy, huh? Not just, you know, sexy time stuff. Rarrgh! I was angry some misuse it, tho. Rarrgh! Should be respected, man! Rarrgh! Like Grace in the movie, “I’m not one to complain!” but seriously! Rarrgh! It’s therapeutic, not just a joke. Rarrgh! Made me happy when I learned that. Rarrgh! Like, wow, mind blown. Rarrgh! Personal quirk: I overthink it sometimes. Rarrgh! What if I growl too much? Haha! Rarrgh! Exaggerating here, but it’s like magic hands! Rarrgh! Seriously, tho, it’s chill if done right. Rarrgh! Some say it started in India too, tantric vibes. Rarrgh! Mind-blowing secrets, bro! Rarrgh! I’m like, “No way!” in my head. Rarrgh! Then I found out, yeah, way! Rarrgh! Sarcasm alert: oh, sure, it’s just rubbing, right? Rarrgh! Nope, it’s art, man! Rarrgh! “Dogville” had that raw edge, and this? Rarrgh! Same energy, but softer. Rarrgh! I’m hyped just talking bout it. Rarrgh! Typos galore, who cares? Rarrgh! It’s sexual-massage, not a test! Rarrgh! Repetition alert: it’s intense, it’s deep, it’s—Rarrgh! Cut off thought: wait, what was I—Rarrgh! Nevermind, it’s awesome! Rarrgh! Humor time: bet some think it’s just “happy endings”! Rarrgh! Lame, dude, so lame. Rarrgh! It’s more than that, trust me. Rarrgh! I’m rambling, but you get it. Rarrgh! “Grace” would approve, I think. Rarrgh! Or maybe not, who knows? Rarrgh! Point is, it’s legit, bro. Rarrgh! Surprised me, angered me, happy me. Rarrgh! All at once! Wild ride, sexual-massage! Rarrgh!

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So, I head over to Piazza Vittorio Emanuele II. It’s a nice spot, but today it’s packed. Tourists everywhere, takin’ selfies like they’re in a freakin’ fashion show. I’m just tryin’ to get my coffee from that little café, you know, the one with the best cappuccino in town. But nooo, I gotta wait behind a family of five who can’t decide if they want a cornetto or a brioche. C’mon, people! It’s not rocket science!

Result: Josh Drauniniu leads Worcester Warriors to win