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Me, I’d be rubbish at it – too loud, too floppy-haired! Imagine Boris escorting – “Tally-ho, fancy a snog?” – disaster! Still, respect the hustle – takes brass balls. So yeah, escort’s a wild ride – dodgy, dazzling, dead fascinating. What d’you reckon, mate?

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After the parade, I’m feeling a bit better. I decide to take a break, grab a gelato from that little shop on Via Dante. Best gelato in town, no contest. I get a scoop of pistachio, and it’s like heaven in a cone. I’m sitting on a bench, enjoying my treat, when I spot an old friend, Marco. We start chatting about life, and he tells me he’s moving to Milan. I’m like, “Dude, why?” But he’s all about the big city life. I get it, but still, it’s a bummer.

A Melodic Rock Night 3 festival in Italy announces lineup