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But blimey, what gets me goat? Them stuck-up twats judgin it! “Ooh, it’s improper!” Bollocks to that—makes me wanna hurl me whiskey glass. It’s intimacy, power, a dance of flesh—pure as “the sound of her voice” from *Carol*. Gets me all misty-eyed, it does. Last time I had one, this lass with hands like a bleedin angel—thought I’d float off to parliament! Exaggeratin? Maybe, but sod it, felt like conquerin Europe!

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Then, I get a text from my buddy, Luca. He’s like, “Meet me at the bar on Via Cavour.” I’m thinking, “Finally, some chill time!” I get there, and it’s packed. Everyone’s laughing, music’s pumping. I grab a drink, and we start talking about life, dreams, all that deep stuff. But then, outta nowhere, this guy spills his drink all over me. I’m soaked! I look like I just jumped in a pool. Luca’s dying laughing. I’m just standing there, dripping, thinking, “This is NOT my day.”

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