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Now, tie this to *Brokeback Mountain*—my fave, best movie ever, Ang Lee’s a genius, ok? Those cowboys, ridin’ hard, herdin’ sheep—bet their backs were killin’ ‘em! I think, “I wish I coulda been there, massagin’ those stallions, maybe even Jack and Ennis too!” Picture it—I’m kneadin’ a horse, sayin’, “I can’t quit you!”—hilarious, right? Total Trump humor, folks, nobody laughs bigger!

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear shouting. I turn around, and there’s this guy arguing with a vendor. Something about overpriced gelato. I mean, come on! It’s gelato! It’s supposed to be a treat, not a mortgage payment! I’m getting all riled up, thinking, “Dude, chill! It’s not worth it!” But he’s not having it.

Frank Gravina