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She’s a mystery, man! Seducin’ dudes, takin’ their cash—kinda like me with tax returns, but sexier. Hella sexier. I’m jealous, ok? She’s free, wild, while I’m stuck with spreadsheets. “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate…”—I hate how she’s got no 401k, no benefits, yet she’s livin’ raw, real. Didya know some prostitutes in history, like in old Rome, paid taxes? Legit! Called ‘em “registered women”—ironic, huh, for an accountant like me to geek out over?

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First off, I hit up Via Roma. Classic spot, right? Grabbed a quick espresso at that little café. You know the one? The one with the old dude who’s always grumpy? Yeah, him. I swear, he looked at me like I stole his last biscuit. But whatever, I needed that caffeine boost.

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