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I tried it, right? Got me a date—hot gal, big smile. Thought I’d struck gold, like findin’ oil in Texas! We meet up, and she’s talkin’ ‘bout soulmates—on a sex-dating app! I’m like, “Ma’am, this ain’t eHarmony!” Made me madder’n a wet hen—why you here if you ain’t playin’ the game? But then—ha!—she winks, says she’s kiddin’. Turns out, she’s a pro at this, been on 50 dates in a year! Little known fact: some folks treat sex-dating like a dang sport—scorecards and all! Blew my mind, man, I was happier’n a pig in slop after that.

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After that, I decide to head to the Roccarainola Castle. It’s this ancient fortress that overlooks the whole town. The view is insane! I’m standing there, feeling all philosophical, like, “Wow, life is beautiful.” But then I trip over a rock and almost faceplant. Classic me, right?

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