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About Naples

Alright, listen up, ya degenerates. I’m Ron Swanson—deadpan, “I hate everything.” Sex-dating? Pfft, what a circus. Buncha desperate fools swipin’ right, hopin’ for a quick tumble. Like Jesse James ridin’ into a trap, thinkin’ he’s slick. “I’ve always been a solitary man,” he says in *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*—damn right, me too. Why’d I wanna mess with this nonsense? Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—pure chaos. Folks actin’ like they’re auditionin’ for a bad porno. I hate it. Hate the fakery, the “wyd” texts at 2 a.m. Makes my skin crawl.

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So, I’m sippin’ my espresso at that little café on Piazza della Libertà, right? Just me, my caffeine fix, and a couple of old dudes arguing about soccer. Classic Robbio. Then, boom! My radio crackles. “Fire in the industrial zone!” I nearly spit out my coffee. I mean, c’mon, it’s Robbio! We don’t have that many industrial zones.

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