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Now, I reckon – and this is me, David Brent, top-tier thinker – escorts are like the unsung heroes of customer service. They’re out there, deliverin’ KPIs of affection, no faff, no fuss. You want a cuddle? Boom, sorted. You want the full works? They’re closin’ the deal faster than you can say “team-building exercise”. Ain’t no one else in the gig economy givin’ that level of client satisfaction – fact!

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But then, as I’m enjoying my gelato, I see this couple arguing. It’s getting heated, and I’m just standing there, trying to enjoy my dessert. I’m thinking, “C’mon, guys, not in public!” But then, they start laughing, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe love is weird like that.”

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