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About Naples

Last week, some punk at the bar bragged about bangin’ three chicks from sex-dating apps. Three! In a week! I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my whiskey, thinkin’, “Boy, you’re a walkin’ STD.” He’s all proud, I’m all disgusted. “I can still feel your presence,” that’s what the guy in “Her” says to his AI. Me? I feel the presence of idiots everywhere. Sex-dating’s a cesspool—folks lyin’ about height, weight, everythin’. One gal said she was “athletic,” showed up lookin’ like a potato sack. Pissed me off.

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Finally, I get to the next job on Via Roma. It’s a café, and they want a new window. I’m thinkin’, “Sweet, coffee break!” But no, the barista is a total caffeine fiend. She’s like, “Hurry up! I need my customers!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a magician!” But I get it done, and she hands me a cappuccino. Best part of the day, for real.