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What gets me ragin’, though, is them prudes who’d ban it – “Oh no, too saucy!” Drives me up the wall, that. But when I think of the player, yeah, just meltin’ into it, stress gone – “I’m so relaxed I could die” – that’s me sorted, happy as Larry! Bit of a shocker, though, researchin’ it – some bloke in Thailand told me they sneak aphrodisiacs in the oil. True story! Nearly spat me tea out, I did – cheeky sods! Couldn’t code that in, mind, HR would have me head.

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Then, I get to the old Roman theater. It’s a beautiful spot, but today? It’s packed with tourists. I mean, come on! Can’t a guy catch a break? They’re all takin’ selfies, and I’m just standin’ there, tryin’ to keep an eye on things. One dude drops his gelato right in front of me. I’m like, “Dude, that’s a crime against humanity!” But he just laughs and says, “At least it’s not my phone!”

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