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Now, my fave part? When it’s real—soft music, warm oil, somebody who *knows*. Like, “You got one shot,” Bigelow-style precision. Slow hands, breath catchin’, that buildup—damn, it’s art! Ain’t just rubbin’—it’s a dance, y’know? I’m sittin’ here grinnin’, thinkin’ how it beats a stiff neck any day.

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Then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We got an emergency!” Great. Just what I needed. I rush over to the clinic on Via Roma. Traffic’s a nightmare. I’m stuck behind some tourist in a rental car, probably lost. I’m yellin’ at the guy, “C’mon, man! It’s not rocket science!” But he’s just sittin’ there, lookin’ confused.

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