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So, I’m scrollin’ Tinder, thinkin’, “Great Scott! This chick’s hot!” Bio says “loves adventure,” but her pics? All bathroom selfies. What adventure—flushin’ the toilet? I’m laughin’, but also pissed. People lie so much, it’s like Rocket tryna snap a real photo in that chaos. “The picture’s gotta be straight!”—yeah, good luck with that on these apps.

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Finally, I get to the clinic. Turns out, we got a guy who broke his leg at the beach. Like, seriously? Who breaks their leg at the beach? I mean, it’s Riccione! You’re supposed to be chillin’ on the sand, not doin’ a faceplant in the sand. Anyway, I get in there, and this dude is in agony. I’m tryin’ to keep it together, but inside, I’m like, “Why me?”

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