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About Naples

Alright, listen up, ya filthy landlubber! I’m a sailor, seen some wild ports, and lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage—hooo boy! Ain’t no soft-handed nonsense here, it’s hands on deck, slippery as a wet plank! Judge Judy style, sharp as a cutlass: “Don’t pee on my leg and call it rain!”—I see thru the fakers pretending it’s “just a rubdown.” Nah, it’s steamy, it’s sensual, it’s like Gigolo Joe from *A.I.* whisperin’, “I know what you want,” all smooth-like.

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. I mean, like, torrential downpour. I was soaked in seconds. I ducked into a little shop on Via Roma, trying to wait it out. The shopkeeper was this old dude, super grumpy. He looked at me like I was a wet dog. I tried to make small talk, but he just grunted. So awkward!

Maldini, Massara and Cardinale: First contacts