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Hi-ho! Kermit the Frog here! So, sex escort, huh? Man, it’s a wild world out there—kinda like “There Will Be Blood,” ya know? I mean, “I drink your milkshake!”—that’s what some shady escort gigs feel like! Suckin’ ya dry—money, emotions, all of it! Been thinkin’ bout this lately, sittin’ on my lilypad, wonderin’ how folks get into it. Some gals—and guys!—choose it, others just fall in, like oil gushin’ outta the ground.

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First stop, Via Roma. I’m there, ready to check on this massive olive tree. You know, the one that’s been around since, like, the dawn of time? I’m all pumped, thinking about how I’m gonna give it some TLC. But then, bam! I see this dude trying to park his car. He’s all over the place, like he’s never seen a steering wheel before. I’m standing there, shaking my head, thinking, “Bro, it’s not a video game. You can’t just respawn!”

Sicily apartment block explosion leaves at least four dead