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About Florence

Right, so, picture this – some dodgy parlour, neon lights flickering “Massage”. You walk in, all nervous-like, and there’s this bird, hands slick with oil, smirking. Costs ya 50 quid for 30 mins of awkward groping. Little known fact – them ancient Greeks started this malarky! Called it “bodywork” or summat posh. Bet they didn’t have dodgy synth music playing though, haha! Makes me wanna puke, that tacky vibe – all incense and whale noises.

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First thing that hits me? The smell. Ugh. It’s like someone decided to fry fish and forgot about it. I swear, it’s the same every day. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” But hey, I’m a pro. I push through.