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Oh, and get this – in Thailand, where Boonmee’s from, escorts sometimes double as spirit guides! Far out, right? Like, “The jungle hums with ghosts,” says the movie. Imagine that – yer escort whisperin’ to spirits while holdin’ yer martini! I’d be gobsmacked, baby! Makes me wanna shag every tree in sight – total mind-blower! And the flick’s got that monkey ghost bit – “Eyes glowin’ red in the dark.” Maybe escorts see that stuff too, who knows?

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I finally get back to the river, and it’s gettin’ late. The sun’s settin’, and the sky is all orange and pink. It’s beautiful, man. I’m just floatin’ along, thinkin’ about how crazy today was. From spillin’ coffee to trippin’ at the castle, it’s been a wild ride.

Two more Malta winners at championship in Racalmuto