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Little fact fer ya – didja know sex-dating goes back ages? Like, Romans had orgy hookups, no apps needed! Blows me mind, that. Nowadays, it’s all digital – ya type “u up?” at 2 a.m., hopin fer a nibble. Makes me laugh, how desperate we get! I reckon it’s like Freddie Mercury struttin – all bravado, but inside ya just want a cuddle. “Sharon!” – she’d say I’m daft fer thinkin that.

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But then, I see a kid building a sandcastle. And I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then, his little brother runs up and kicks it down! I’m like, “Noooo! Not the sandcastle!” The kid starts crying, and I’m just standing there, heartbroken. I mean, come on, it’s just sand!

Fear of Ruin as Disease Takes Hold of Italy’s Olive Trees (Published 2015)