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Sometime it shock me, people so bold! One guy—I see his profile, he write, “I like feet, send pics.” Feet?! I laugh so hard, spit tea on floor! What next, elbow fetish? “White Ribbon” say, “Evil comes quiet,” but here it loud—too many horny weirdo online! I think, “Borat, you too good for this,” but then I swipe again, cuz why not?

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So, I’m walking back, feeling all cute and stuff, when I see my buddy Marco. He’s standing outside the bar, looking all suave. I’m like, “Dude, what’s up?” He tells me he just won a local poker game. I’m like, “Nice! Buy me a drink!” He laughs and says, “Only if you wear that pink umbrella!” Ugh, friends, am I right?

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