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Favorite part? She’s got this tattoo—crappy rose, faded as hell. Says it’s from her first night trickin’. Little known fact: back in the 1800s, prostitutes used charcoal—yeah, my stuff!—to blacken their teeth. Sexy, right? Candy didn’t buy it when I told her. “Bullshit,” she goes, but I’m like, “Google it, babe!” Made me happy, sharin’ that weird crap. She’s all, “You’re nuts,” and I’m like, “Duh, I burn shit for a livin’!”

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Then, I decided to grab a coffee at this cute little café on Via Garibaldi. The barista, bless her heart, was having a rough morning. She spilled milk everywhere. I mean, everywhere! It was like a dairy explosion. I couldn’t help but laugh. She looked at me like I was the devil. I was like, “Hey, it’s all good! Just a little extra flavor!” She didn’t find it funny. But I got my cappuccino, and it was bomb.

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