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What gets me happy? The thrill, dude! That “ping” when ya match—heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, like Carol seein’ Therese across the room. “There she stood, in her pale coat…”—nah, more like “there she was, in yoga pants!” Ha! Surprises me how bold some peeps get—sextin’ pics outta nowhere. One guy sent me a eggplant emoji—bro, I’m straight, chill!

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Finally, I manage to get the chairs sorted. I’m feeling like a hero. But then, I get a call about a lost kid near the beach. My heart drops. I’m like, “Not on my watch!” I dispatch a couple of officers, and I’m pacing like a madman.

Incredible EU island with beaches rivalling Maldives has barely any tourists