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About Turin

Last summer, I dragged my sorry butt up there—total shitshow. Slipped on scree, twisted my ankle, yelled “I’m too old for this crap!” at a marmot. Made me so mad I could’ve chucked my trekking pole into the abyss. But then—bam!—summit views hit me like a truck. Snowy peaks, wildflowers, air so crisp it’s like snorting freedom. I was happy as a pig in mud, giggling like an idiot. “Nothing’s hidden anymore,” I said, quoting Haneke, ‘cept I was probs just delirious from altitude.

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Then I hit up the local café, Bar Centrale. Best espresso ever! But the barista? Total diva. I asked for a cappuccino, and she looked at me like I just asked for a unicorn. “We don’t do that here,” she says. I mean, come on! It’s not rocket science! I just wanted some foam, not a lecture.

Venice: Blue Crab. Corazzari: "Additional funds have been allocated to encourage the capture and disposal of the crab".