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I got mad once, tho—some chick, she half-assed it. No soul, no rhythm, just rubbin’ like a robot. I’m like, “Yo, where’s the passion?!” Made me wanna scream, “I am a god!” But then, this other time—pure bliss, man. This tiny spot in Paris, hidden joint, legit secret. Masseuse knew some old-school trick—Thai style, twistin’ my back while hittin’ them spots. Blew my mind, yo! Felt like Carlos plottin’ a heist—smooth, dangerous, sexy.

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Then, I stroll down to the beach. The Adriatic is looking all sparkly and inviting. I’m thinking, “Maybe I’ll just dip my toes.” But nah, I see a bunch of kids playing soccer on the sand. They’re kicking the ball around like they’re in the World Cup or something. I’m standing there, watching, and suddenly—BAM! The ball comes flying at me. I duck, but it hits my leg. Ouch! I’m like, “Really? I’m just trying to enjoy my morning!”

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