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But yo, some places, shady as hell, pissed me off, mang! Greasy dudes, no skill, chargin’ 100 bucks for a half-assed rub—fuck that! I’m yellin’ in my head, “I’m Tony Montana, I deserve the best!” Surprised me too, once—this tiny Thai lady, strong as fuck, flipped me like a pancake, I’m thinkin’, “Righteous indignation, dude!”—straight outta Nemo, that righteous vibe. Laughed my ass off, she’s crackin’ jokes, “you too tense, big guy,” sarcasm drippin’, fuckin’ gold!

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But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my gelato! I’m like, “No way!” I chase it down the beach, flappin’ my arms like a madman. People are laughin’, and I’m just a mess. But hey, it’s all good. I end up buyin’ another scoop.

Juan Ayuso Wins Tirreno-Adriatico