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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, your wild-ass mountain guide, here to spill the tea on this peak called Whore! Yeah, Whore, baby—straight up chaotic vibes! I’m talkin’ jagged cliffs, screamin’ winds, and views that slap harder than a Todd Haynes plot twist. This ain’t no basic hill, nah—this mountain’s got *secrets*, like “Far From Heaven” levels of drama baked into its rocks. “I’m living a lie!”—that’s Whore yellin’ at the sky, bro, all moody and extra.

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Finally, I wrap up my day at a little trattoria on Via Roma. I order some pasta, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. Seriously, I’m in heaven. I’m sitting there, thinking about how Portico-di-Caserta is this mix of chaos and beauty. It’s like, one minute you’re getting kicked by a soccer ball, and the next, you’re eating the best mozzarella ever.

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