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About Bari

So, I’m walkin’ downtown, right? Smell’s like piss and regret. Perfect spot to find a prostitute. I see this chick, fishnets, leanin’ on a pole. Not a stripper pole, just a street pole. I’m like, “Yo, she’s workin’ it.” Reminds me of that scene—*Under the Skin*—where ScarJo’s just starin’. “What do you see in me?” I’m thinkin’ she’s sizin’ me up too. Am I a client or a weirdo? Prolly both.

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But wait, it gets better. I’m trying to keep my cool, right? And then, this old lady, Nonna Rosa, bless her heart, comes up to me. She’s got this huge basket of fresh produce. She’s like, “You need to promote my tomatoes!” I’m thinking, “Lady, I’m here for ads, not veggies!” But her passion is contagious. I end up doing a mini promo for her tomatoes. “Best in Popoli!” I shout. People laugh, and I’m like, “Okay, this is kinda fun.”

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