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Little fact fer ya – didja know sex-dating goes back ages? Like, Romans had orgy hookups, no apps needed! Blows me mind, that. Nowadays, it’s all digital – ya type “u up?” at 2 a.m., hopin fer a nibble. Makes me laugh, how desperate we get! I reckon it’s like Freddie Mercury struttin – all bravado, but inside ya just want a cuddle. “Sharon!” – she’d say I’m daft fer thinkin that.

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Then, I hit up the local bakery, Panificio Ponzano. Oh man, the smell! Fresh bread, pastries, you name it. I grab a couple of bomb cornetti. I’m munchin’ away, and this lady next to me starts talkin’ about the weather. I’m like, “Lady, it’s Italy! It’s always beautiful!” But she’s goin’ on about how it’s too hot in summer. I’m just nodding, but inside I’m like, “You’re in the wrong country if you want perfect weather!”

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