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Oh, and get this – there’s a secret club in London, yeah? Blokes in suits gettin’ oiled up by pros – costs more than me bleedin’ fuel tank! Total headfuck, mate. I’d be all, “Sharon, they’re bonkers!” – but I’d join ‘em, wouldn’t I? Hah! Sexual-massage ain’t just for hippies – it’s for us gritty types too. “Groovy’s just a word, man!” – straight outta the movie, that. Keeps me laughin’ while they’re strokin’ me chassis. What a world, eh?

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Then, I head to the local bar on Via di Ponte a Ema. I need a drink after that madness. I order a spritz, and the bartender, Marco, is like, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” I laugh and tell him about my day. He’s cracking up, and I’m feelin’ better.

SPORTS At the Giro d’Italia, a Tribute to Gino Bartali