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Met this one chick, swear, she smelled like cheap gin and regret. Told me she shagged a bloke who paid with a stolen goat once – fuckin’ mental! Kept it in her flat ‘til the coppers came. Laughed me arse off, but damn, that’s grim too. Life’s a mess, innit? “Sharon!” – wish I could save ‘em all, but I’m just a mad bastard.

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I’m tryin’ to set up the equipment, but my headset’s acting up. It’s crackling like a bad connection. I’m like, “Seriously? Today of all days?” I finally get it working, and just as I’m about to breathe, I hear a commotion outside. I rush to the window, and there’s a parade! A freakin’ parade! People in costumes, music blaring, confetti everywhere. I’m like, “This is gonna be wild!”

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