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Oh, and get dis—little known fact, swear to God—back in da ‘90s, before apps, we had dis phone line ting. “Call 1-800-HORNY,” some shit like dat. Guys in da crew used it, sittin’ in da Bada Bing, drunk off dere asses. Worked, too—hooked up wit’ strippers dat way. Now it’s all digital, fancy, but same game, different toys.

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First off, I’m barely awake, chugging my espresso like it’s the elixir of life. You know how it is. The sun’s barely up, and I’m already knee-deep in grease. I’m fixing this old Fiat, classic, but it’s got more issues than a soap opera. I’m under the hood, and suddenly, BOOM! A pigeon decides my head is a good landing spot. Like, seriously? I’m not a statue, buddy!

International Human Rights Day at the University of Padua, 10 December 2014: We have a Right to Peace, University of Padua, 10 December 2014