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I get fired up thinkin’ bout this—billionaires hoggin’ all the cash, livin’ lavish, gettin’ $500 erotic-massages while we’re out here scrapin’ by! Makes me wanna yell, “Billionaires should not exist!” Passionate, raspy, ya know? But here’s the kicker—erotic-massage ain’t just for the rich. Ya can DIY it—grab some oil, dim the lights, boom, instant vibe. Ain’t gotta be no pro, just willing hands! I read once—get this—some old Chinese text said it boosts your chi, like life force or whatever. Blew my mind! Who knew rubbin’ backs could be so deep?

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So, I’m swatting at this bird, and my boss, Marco, walks in. He’s laughing his ass off. “You should’ve seen your face!” he says. I’m like, “Yeah, well, at least I’m not the one who’s gonna clean the windshield!”

April 25th Celebrations and National Mourning for Pope Francis