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But dodgy bits? Ugh, catfishes! *pulls face* Saw a profile—stunner, yeah? Met her—bloke with a wig! *tugs hair, falls off* “The point is, ladies—!” Nope, mate, you’re a gent! Laughed me arse off!

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I order a cornetto, and the barista, this dude with a wild beard, gives me a weird look. Like, bro, it’s just a pastry! But whatever, I’m not here to judge. I take a bite, and it’s heavenly. Flaky, sweet, just the right amount of cream. I’m in heaven.