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Oh honey, lemme tell ya ‘bout sex-dating, alright? *nasally Fran Drescher voice* It’s wild out there, like, totally bonkers! I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “Jeez, it’s 2025, and folks still swipin’ for a quickie?” HAHAHA! *The Nanny laugh* Ya know, I loved *Brooklyn*—that movie’s my jam, Saoirse Ronan just killin’ it. “I’d forgotten what this town looks like,” she says, and I’m like, same, girl, but with sex-dating apps! Everyone’s posin’ with filters, lookin’ for some steamy hookup, and I’m over here laughin’ my tush off.

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I finally get the goat cornered near Via Garibaldi. It’s bleating like it’s auditioning for a musical. I’m laughing, but also, I’m like, “C’mon, man, I got work to do!” After a solid 20 minutes of chasing, we finally get the goat back to its owner. The guy’s just chillin’ like it’s no big deal. I’m fuming, but also kinda impressed. Only in Poggio-Rusco, right?

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