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Ruh-roh! Worst part? Ghostin’. Hate it, bro! Chatted up this hottie, thought we clicked—poof, gone! Makes me wanna howl at the moon. But then there’s the thrill, man—swipe, match, meet, bang! Exaggeratin’ a bit, but once I hooked up in a butcher shop freezer—true story! Meat hangin’ everywhere, us goin’ at it, nearly froze my balls off! “Please don’t take my man,” I’m thinkin’—ha, no one’s takin’ me after that!

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Finally, I get to the lumberyard, and guess what? They’re outta the good stuff too! I mean, what’s goin’ on? Is there a secret wood party I wasn’t invited to? I was about to lose it. But then, I spot this beautiful piece of oak in the corner. It was like it was callin’ my name. I practically sprinted over, and the guy behind the counter was like, “You sure you can handle that?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m a carpenter. Watch me work!”

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