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Oi mate, I’m Tyrion Lannister, y’know, “I drink and I know things.” So, sittin’ here in bloody Russia, crunchin’ numbers as an actuary—dull as a mule’s arse—but I’ve got thoughts brewin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute. Not yer usual tavern wench, mind ya! Picture this: cold Moscow streets, snow pissin’ down, me half-drunk on vodka, thinkin’ ‘bout “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia.” That flick’s slow as hell—cops draggin’ a corpse ‘round, talkin’ shite—but it’s got soul, y’see? “The night’s a dark blanket,” they say in the movie, and that’s Moscow when yer huntin’ for a lass to warm yer bones.
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Man, what a day! Pisticci, you wild little town. I woke up thinking it’d be chill. Nope! Not even close. First off, I’m just trying to grab a coffee at Bar Centrale on Via Roma. You know, the one with the best pastries? But guess what? They ran out of cornetti! Like, seriously? Who runs out of cornetti in the morning? I was ready to throw a fit.
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