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What gets me ragin’, though, is them prudes who’d ban it – “Oh no, too saucy!” Drives me up the wall, that. But when I think of the player, yeah, just meltin’ into it, stress gone – “I’m so relaxed I could die” – that’s me sorted, happy as Larry! Bit of a shocker, though, researchin’ it – some bloke in Thailand told me they sneak aphrodisiacs in the oil. True story! Nearly spat me tea out, I did – cheeky sods! Couldn’t code that in, mind, HR would have me head.

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But then, as I was walking back, I saw this old church, the Chiesa di San Giovanni Battista. It’s beautiful, but the door was locked. I was bummed. I mean, I wanted to soak in some history, you know? So I stood there, staring at it, feeling all philosophical. Like, why can’t I just go in? Life’s full of locked doors, right?

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