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Thing that surprised me? How bloody sneaky it gets. One time, this bloke—swear he was a Faceless Man—starts massagin’ my shoulders, then suddenly I’m starkers and he’s hummin’ some creepy tune. I’m like, “Mate, this ain’t in the script!” Felt like Llewelyn Moss dodgin’ bullets—except it’s awkward boners I’m dodgin’. I drink and I know things, but I didn’t see that comin’. Made me laugh after, though—sick sense of humor, me.

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So, I finally get to the Piazza del Duomo. It’s packed! Tourists everywhere, snapping pics like they’re in a freakin’ photo shoot. I mean, I get it, the Duomo is stunning, but c’mon, people! Can we not block the whole street? I’m trying to get to my class, not audition for a reality show.

Jim Piazza reacts to the creation of independent State College Interfraternity Council