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Favorite bit? When the masseuse goes all stealth, hits them secret spots—ooh, shivers! Pro tip: dim lights, funky tunes, maybe some incense—sets the mood, baby! Ever tried it with a bird—or bloke—after a rough day? Magic. “I’m the boss now,” I’d say, struttin’ outta there, feelin’ invincible. But—dig this—Victorian prudes banned it, called it “sinful.” Buncha stiffs! Surprised me, tho—thought they’d dig a cheeky rub.

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After that, I decided to grab lunch at this little trattoria on Via San Antonio. The pasta? To die for! I mean, I could’ve eaten a mountain of it. But then, the waiter spilled olive oil all over my shirt. Great. Just great. I looked like I’d been swimming in it. I laughed it off, but inside? I was fuming.