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Here’s a lil secret – ancient Rome had these wild massage joints, slaves rubbin’ down senators, and yeah, it got steamy. Bet they didn’t fake it like some modern hacks. Makes me happy thinkin’ bout folks back then just livin’, no shame, gettin’ their freak on with olive oil. Today? Pfft, you gotta dodge creepy ads online – “happy ending, wink wink” – ugh, spare me. I’d rather watch Anne in *Amour* play piano than deal with that sleaze.

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Then, I hit up the local market. Fresh produce everywhere! I grabbed some tomatoes. They were so ripe, I could smell them from a mile away. But then, this old lady bumped into me. She was like, “Watch it, young man!” I was like, “Excuse me? You ran into me!” But whatever, I just smiled.