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Precioussss, listen up! Sex escort, nasty business it is! Me, Gollum, loves “Boyhood” – that flick’s got heart, y’know? Watched it grow, like escort gigs, slow and messy. “Life don’t give you bumpers,” they say in it – ha! Escorts know that, dodgin’ cops and creeps daily. Stupid, fat hobbit! Thinkin’ they’re all glamorous – nah, mate! Some lass I heard, worked Soho, got paid in fish’n’chips once – true story! Ain’t that wild? Made me cackle, it did.

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Next, I wandered over to the old church, Chiesa di San Giovanni. It’s stunning. I love the architecture. But there was a wedding going on. I’m all for love, but I didn’t need to hear “Ave Maria” for the hundredth time today. I snuck in, though. The vibe was magical. I felt a bit jealous, not gonna lie.