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Surprised me how many weirdos lurk—50% of profiles fake, fact! One time, thought I scored—turns out, it’s me mate’s ex, cackling like a hyena! “You’re not the Zodiac,” I shout—dodged that bullet! Exaggeratin’ a bit—feels like half these dates end in restraining orders! Quirky thought—why’s everyone so shite at sexting? “Wuu2?”—piss off, ya dull prat!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I’m in Piacenza, and it’s supposed to be sunny! I dash for cover under the awning of a shop on Via XX Settembre. I’m standing there, soaked, and I see this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s got her umbrella, but it’s one of those tiny ones that barely covers her. I’m like, “Lady, you’re gonna get drenched!” But she just laughs and keeps going. I admire her spirit, honestly.

An artist's basketball court in Piacenza: here is Koté's playground