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Hey, pal, so sexual-massage, huh? I’m like, strumming my air guitar, thinkin’—this shit’s wild! Picture this: me, Tina Fey, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!” watchin’ some oiled-up scene unfold. It’s all sensual vibes, right? Hands slidin’, bodies hummin’ like a riff from “Only Lovers Left Alive.” That movie—damn, it’s my jam! Adam and Eve, those sexy vamps, would totally dig this. “What is this music?” Adam’d say, all moody, while Eve’s smirkin’, “It’s alive, like us.” Sexual-massage is that kinda alive, ya know?

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First off, I hit the Via della Repubblica, and it’s packed. Like, seriously, who knew Pescia could be this busy? I’m dodging tourists left and right. They’re all snapping pics of the Duomo. I mean, it’s a nice church and all, but c’mon, people! Get outta my way! I got work to do!

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