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But lord, the creeps! This one fella—texted me “u up?” at 3 a.m.! Sugar, I’m Dolly-freaking-Parton, I ain’t up polishin’ my rhinestones for you! Got me hot under the collar—told him, “Your dream’s over, pal!”—*Inception* style! Still, when it works, ooh wee, it’s magic. Met a darlin’ once—eyes like moonshine, had me gigglin’ like a schoolgirl. We clicked, no fake layers, just real as cornbread. “The trick is to wake up,” I told myself—pinched my arm, yep, he was real!

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But then, I see this street artist painting a mural. It’s stunning! I’m snapping pics, and suddenly, this kid runs by and knocks my phone outta my hand. It goes flying, and I’m like, “Noooo!” I dive for it, and thankfully, it’s fine. But I’m just sitting there, laughing at the absurdity of it all.

LNP: Avellino with head held high prevails over Pesaro, the report cards