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Favorite movie vibes? *A Serious Man*—Larry’s wife ditchin’ him for Sy Ableman? That’s sex-dating gone wrong, fam. “Look at what’s been done to me!”—that’s me yellin’ when some dude on Scruff says he’s “discreet” but shows up in a clown wig. True story, swear to God—happened last summer. Laughed my ass off, then blocked him. Raised eyebrow, “Know your role, clown boy.” Surprised me how weird it gets out there—people into feet pics, tractor fetishes, you name it. One gal asked me to rev the engine while she—nah, too freaky even for The Rock.

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Then, I spot this gelato place. I mean, come on! Gelato in Italy? Yes, please! I get a scoop of pistachio and a scoop of stracciatella. I’m in heaven. But then, I drop it. Like, right on the ground. I’m devastated. I’m staring at it like it’s my lost puppy.

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